Serena’s Review: “This Monster of Mine”

This post may contain affiliate links for books we recommend.  Read the full disclosure here.

Book: “This Monster of Mine” by Shalini Abeysekara

Publishing Info: Union Square & Co., April 2025

Where Did I Get this Book: ARC from the publisher!

Where Can You Get this Book: WorldCat.org | Amazon | IndieBound

Book Description: Eighteen-year-old Sarai doesn’t know why someone tried to kill her four years ago, but she does know that her case was closed without justice. Hellbent on vengeance, she returns to the scene of the crime as a Petitor, a prosecutor who can magically detect lies, and is assigned to work with Tetrarch Kadra. Ice-cold and perennially sadistic, Kadra is the most vicious of the four judges who rule the land – and the prime suspect in a string of deaths identical to Sarai’s attempted murder.

Certain of his guilt, Sarai begins a double life: solving cases with Kadra by day and plotting his ruin by night. But Kadra is charming and there’s something alluring about the wrath he wields against the city’s corruption. So when the evidence she finds embroils her in a deadly political battle, Sarai must also fight against her attraction to Kadra – because despite his growing hold on her heart, his voice matches the only memory she has of her assailant…

Review: This is going to be a very strange review to write, mostly because it was a very strange book to read. I’m honestly having a hard time thinking of a book that was more of a roller coaster ride than this one. One minute I’m loving it, whipping through action scenes, swooning over the love interest. The next, I’m irate, considering DNFing, franticly scanning other reviews to see if I’m way off base or totally missing something.

Beyond the whiplash that this experience created, I was also off balance due to the fact that my usual points of interest/concern were reversed. I’m a character reader first and foremost, and more often than not, if I get through a book I’m otherwise struggling with, it comes down to the strength of the characters or the narrative voice. Here, however, the characters (more, the main character) was the problem, but the writing itself was so good that it carried me through the real deep troughs I experienced otherwise. The author simply has an excellent style and voice! The world-building was perfectly crafted, the dialogue all felt believable, hitting all of the right notes in its humorous, serious, or romantic moments. And the exploration of its themes regarding law and justice were *chefs kiss.*

And, again, when I wasn’t getting bogged down in the main character, I really enjoyed the romance! The story is a true slow burn, and while the romance is important to the story, it doesn’t overshadow the other serious aspects of the story, such as the aforementioned themes regarding justice or the mystery behind what happened to Sarai. And, for his part, Kadra was an excellent romantic interest in his own right! Strong, but compassionate. Filled with purpose, but also focused on Sarai as she works through her trauma. And, honestly, a hell of a lot more patient with her more ridiculous moments that I ever would have been.

And then, there’s Sarai. Now, if she had simply been an unlikable heroine through and through, we probably wouldn’t be here, good writing bedamned. No, instead, she has a lot of strengths as a narrator! I enjoyed most of her inner voice, and her motivations and magical abilities were all very interesting. The problem, however, came down to her approach to discovering the truth behind the attempt on her life. To get into my feelings with this, I’m going to have to go into some spoilers of actions in the first half of the book. For those who want spoiler free, I’ll just say she makes wild leaps of logic throughout that make zero sense. The rest of this review, however, will be a bit more in-depth with my problems here.

SPOILERS BELOW!

So, a little backstory: years ago, someone attempted to kill Sarai. The nature of the crime left her body and mind broken, with all but the barest fragments of memory of the event wiped from her mind. All she does remember is a specific voice, one that instructs another person to patch her up and get her out of the city, granted in a rough and tough tone of voice. In the years since, there has been a suicide spree, with many individuals with magical abilities like Sarai seeming to kill themselves in odd ways. Years later, she returns to try to discover what happened and who tried to kill her. Almost immediately, she recognizes the voice from her memories as Kadra.

Now, as readers, we know that Kadra can’t have been the attempted murderer, simply because we know we’re reading a romantic fantasy novel and he’s the romantic interest. Sarai couldn’t (and shouldn’t!) think this way, too. However, from the memories she does have, even she admits early in the book that whomever the voice belonged to was responsible for patching her up and could have very well been there for other reasons than being the person behind the attempt on her life. I read a paragraph from her saying just this and I thought, “Great, phew! We got the obvious bit out of the way right from the start and reinforced the idea that the true mystery here is why Kadra was there, why he helped her, and why he banished her out of the city.”

Unfortunately, no. In the very next chapter, Sarai is full-on convinced that Kadra must have been the one to try to kill her (somehow immediately forgetting/disregarding the fact that he then, inexplicably, saved her?? Why he wouldn’t have just finished her off for good is simply…never mentioned or thought of). What’s worse, Sarai begins to suspect that Kadra must also be behind the deaths of the others like her, those who have been supposedly committing suicide.

Early in their time working together, Kadra and Sarai go to the morgue to look over the body of the most recent “suicide victim.” While there, Sarai witnesses Kadra fighting with the coroner over the manner of death, insisting that it couldn’t be a suicide (something that Sarai agrees with, after viewing the body). The coroner, on the other hand, is sure it’s a suicide and has ruled it as such. What’s more, she’s sick of Kadra coming by FIVE OR SIX TIMES before this over the last few months to argue this very point! Sarai, internally, goes on to think this: “Aha! Kadra must be behind this! He’s perfectly positioned himself to cover up his crimes by being the investigator behind them!!”

Girl, what?? No one thought this guy was murdered EXCEPT Kadra! If it wasn’t for him, this guy would have been buried and listed as a suicide months ago! And yet somehow, Sarai, dumb dumb that she is, has decided that it’s totally reasonable and smart that a murderer would stage an elaborate scene to make a crime look like a suicide, and then, after completely getting away with it, spend the next few months arguing with a coroner, insisting that it was, in fact, a murder! It honestly boggled my mind.

Next, a few days later, Kadra decides that he and Sarai should go inform the family that this guy didn’t commit suicide but was killed and that they’re looking into it. Sarai, SUPREME DUMB DUMB that she is, thinks to herself this: “Great! Maybe while I’m there I can uncover proof that Kadra was behind it!!”

Girl, WHAT?!?! You think that Kadra murdered this guy, set up an elaborate staged suicide, called that very same staging into question, and is now going to take a woman with incredible magical abilities back to the home of the victim where he just so happened to leave around evidence that explicitly condemns him?? What is he getting out of this?? How is this helping him and not, as any normal person would think, clearly revealing him to be the only person most likely to have NOT killed these people. And again, throughout this, Sarai never deals with the fact that her theory of Kadra as the man behind her own murder attempt is completely blown out of the water by the simple fact that he WAS THE ONE TO SAVE HER!

The face-palming throughout all of this was frankly appalling. I won’t go into more details, but these flaws in thinking and ridiculous theorizing continued on well over the halfway mark in the book. Later, there are even more “revelations” that Sarai takes as confirmation of Kadra’s guilt, all of which are equally as stupid as the two examples I listed above. Even writing about it now, I’m getting mad about it all again.

What’s worse, as I said, so much about this book was clicking so well for me! The writing was so strong, the story-telling was good, Kadra was excellent! All the right pieces were there. But somehow, it feels like the author went astray with Sarai herself, as if she knew she wanted to create this suspicion between Sarai and Kadra, but couldn’t quite manage to make it actually work. So, instead, Sarai is just an idiot who thinks completely illogical things, just to maintain the mystery element behind Kadra and his involvement.

All of this said, I’ll definitely check out another book by this author. I think she’s got great potential, and with a few tweaks, I could have loved this book! Unfortunately, I couldn’t get past Sarai herself; I can’t remember the last time I read a book where a main character was this flawed in their reasoning for so long. However, other readers may be less bothered with it, particularly if characters are less important for you. The vibes of the story and the romance itself were very good!

Rating 7: I’d give this a 6 just for Sarai herself. But the actual writing and world-building deserves enough praise to bump it up to a 7.

Reader’s Advisory:

“This Monster of Mine” can be found on this Goodreads list: 2025 Debut Novels.