Serena’s Review: “Never Ever”

22840374Book: “Never Ever” by Sara Saedi

Publishing Info: Viking, June 2016

Where Did I Get this Book: the library!

Book Description: Wylie Dalton didn’t believe in fairy tales or love at first sight.

Then she met a real-life Peter Pan.

When Wylie encounters Phinn—confident, mature, and devastatingly handsome—at a party the night before her brother goes to juvie, she can’t believe how fast she falls for him. And that’s before he shows her how to fly.

Soon Wylie and her brothers find themselves whisked away to a mysterious tropical island off the coast of New York City where nobody ages beyond seventeen and life is a constant party. Wylie’s in heaven: now her brother won’t go to jail and she can escape her over-scheduled life with all its woes and responsibilities—permanently.

But the deeper Wylie falls for Phinn, the more she begins to discover has been kept from her and her brothers. Somebody on the island has been lying to her, but the truth can’t stay hidden forever.

Review: My unfortunate streak of disappointing reads continues. It always seems to happen like this, you’ll be on a roll and then BAM! A few books just fail to live up to expectations and it is very disappointing. I included this title in my “Highights” picks for June based on two things: 1) a pretty cover (my first mistake) and 2.) a Peter Pan retelling! a Peter Pan retelling! And sure, the cover lived up to its hype and is very pretty in person. The Peter Pan retelling itself, not so much.

So, first off, a Peter Pan retelling has a lot of things going for it, in theory. The fantasy set up is all there, the adventure, the story of friendship and family, and depending on the route you take, the romance. All the ingredients for things I like in my fantasy stories. And pros first, the author did have a creative take on how adapt what is a story about children into a young adult novel. It was entertaining to see the nods to the originals (though the on-the-nose naming conventions were a bit much at times. Wylie is a coyote, not a teenage girl protagonist. There’s even a bit where she talks about how much she likes her name as if, very secretly, the author could see my eyebrows raising into my hairline…). The close sibling relationship between Wylie and her brothers is sweet and reminiscent of the original, as well.

Sadly, that’s about it for things I liked from this book. My biggest problem was the writing and plotting of the story. Listen, I have read a good amount of fanfiction in my day, and there is a lot of really great stuff out there. But this? This read like the worst kind of generic, stereotypical Peter Pan fanfiction: clunky dialogue, the author’s hands all over the plot which you can spot from outer space, the worst kind of tropes. Tinka (these names!) is everything you’d guess for a Tinkerbell-like character in this type of story. At one point, Wylie, out loud in her own head, admires Tinka’s “perky breasts.”

tinkerbell_laughing

And the story never recovered from the very first few chapters where Wylie made repeated decisions that earned her a too-dumb-to-live badge of honor. At a party, Wylie meets a strange boy who has been staring at her from across the room. And then what does she do? Immediately leaves the party with him! Sure, she tells her friends that’s she’s leaving, but I’m awarding her zero points for this as it is still inexcusably dumb. She later consumes a very sketchy plant that he just  casually offers her at McDonald’s (where he took her, which should have been her…well, not first sign, that was much earlier…how about tenth sign to get the hell out of there). And then, after convincing her brothers to also take this plant-drug (it allows them to fly, you’d never guess!), it turns out the plant also, conveniently, knocks them all out cold when it wears off. And they wake up being born away on Phynn’s super sweet sail boat. So…Phynn pretty much rufied them all and then kidnapped them. But don’t worry, this doesn’t hinder Wylie’s insta-attraction to him.

What we all wanted from a Peter Pan lead:

giphy5

What we got from Phynn:

giphy6

I won’t bore you with a review for the rest of the book. There was a decision towards the end of the story that did finally bring a bit more creativity to the novel, but nothing could save it from what was, sadly, very poor writing. Of course, there will be sequels. I won’t be checking them out.

Rating 3: A ridiculous heroine, a creepy hero, and writing that did the story no favors.

Reader’s Advisory: This is a very new book, so it isn’t on many lists. But, as it happens, I have read some Peter Pan fanfiction in my day and much of it was lightyears better than this. One of the best Peter Pan fanfic authors I’ve found is “weezer42.” Here is her page of Peter Pan stories. “Whither by Moonlight” is probably my favorite.

 

 

 

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